Loving Enneagram Six

• Overview of the "loyal skeptic" archetype of Enneagram type 6, including examples like Tom Hanks, Kevin Durant, and Severus Snape
• Discussion of the personality traits of sixes, including their focus on safety, security, and potential threats
• Insights on how sixes relate to other Enneagram types, including the "stretch and release" relationships with types 3 and 9
• Exploration of the emotional experiences and needs of sixes, including their desire for trust and validation
• Tips and guidance for supporting and understanding sixes, such as practicing gratitude and allowing them to process their concerns

 

 

Transcript

Stephanie Foy  0:00 

Let's talk about on the other side because we kind of kind of fit Oh, these are the this is the low in the sick. Behind the six is that loyalty that courage and the spiritual value of faith.

 

Amy Hageman  0:13 

This season on the living out love podcast we are focusing on you, who you are, what motivates you what you're here to contribute and how you can expand will be utilizing my leadership skills and spiritual connection. diving deep into the Enneagram and astrology. Listen every week to become intimately aware of yourself. Only then heal and grow. Let's get to work loves.

 

Hello, loves Welcome to our Enneagram series I'm joined by my fabulous parents Dana and Stephanie Foy, their integrative Enneagram certified practitioners. And we are talking about the sixes today which my mom's a three My dad's a nine so they both have a stretch a release to the six so this ought to be juicy. So, somebody tell us who's a six what give me the general kind of archetype of what a six is.

 

Dana Foy  1:16 

Okay, so a famous movie star who is the sixth is the

 

Amy Hageman  1:20 

one second Can you at least title the sixth? Like the five was the quiet specialist what's the six?

 

Stephanie Foy  1:26 

Six is loyal skeptic.

 

Amy Hageman  1:30 

Loyal skeptic. Okay, now talking about type Tom Hanks, so I can have that in my mind.

 

Dana Foy  1:36 

Okay, so sixes are very family oriented. They're very protective type people they're looking for what's the next shoe to drop? How can I protect people? So, it's gonna be the Tom Hanks is an actor is a type six. He works very, very hard at perfecting his craft. And he has an energy of him. I've seen him in interviews and in movie is someone that's a protective of family Gods right to look after people. And he plays that role very well. In Private Ryan, that was kind of a sixth row. He was the captain EVC Private Ryan, looking doing the right thing going out to find Private Ryan, but going over a squad as you are possibly the best we possibly could. Problem solving all through the battles. Well, who needs to be here who needs to be there that that that is six energy. For those that are basketball fans, Kevin Durant, a very successful talented basketball player. Like for several teams, he was the sixth, very similar to Tom Hanks, and that he very team oriented he did whatever the team needed to win. If he needed to be quiet, he was quiet, if he needed to take it have a leading role and take over the game. He had the talent and the energy to be aggressive. He didn't need to be aggressive. He could read the other team and he could just pass the ball, always looking forward to finding out what the other team was presenting as a talent and how he personally if he has a team could be ahead of that and overcome that. So that is an athlete. Now for the Harry Potter fans. Severus Snape is a sixth. The 60s are kind of standard office comic quad you never really know what they're thinking. But they are observing and they're measuring what's gone on here. How do I need to keep everybody protected now Severus in the during the whole movie, you never knew is protected every Harry Potter but the whole time he was, and he was so good at he knew how to hide it. So, he did whatever he had to do to protect Harry, you know, I'm playing both sides of the coin to get it done. So that's kind of a quick snapshot of people who are actors, you might know who view

 

Amy Hageman  3:45 

is six or singers when you started with Tom Hanks, I had the feeling of warmth. You know and when you think protective, I kind of think warmth. But I wouldn't put Severus Snape in that category. So, we do you weren’t something we would or would not associate with the six. Well,

 

Dana Foy  4:02 

I am familiar with three sixes in my life, all three of them have a little bit different energy. So, you know, everybody has her subtypes, they demonstrate behaviors of other numbers. So, I think this warmth is I can equate that with part of their protecting people, making them feel safe looking after them. I can keep people calm and comfortable. under my leadership and guys, things are gonna go well. So, I see that as a six behave. Hmm.

 

Stephanie Foy  4:33 

So, one of the hallmarks of six is trustworthiness. So, you think about that. You may feel a natural warmth towards people that you feel trustworthy. There, you know, they think are better than they are.

 

Amy Hageman  4:54 

Yeah, that makes sense. It is funny though, because, uh with Tom Hanks That's one of the warmest people that we know. But Severus Snape is one of the least were people. But he was undercover so that it's just interesting. However, probably since Dumbledore knew his alliance, perhaps Dumbledore experienced a greater warmth towards him than everybody else.

 

Stephanie Foy  5:20 

Right? But I mean, if you think about the title, loyal skeptic, he was playing loyalty on both sides. He was truly loyal to Dumbledore and to Potter. But he was also walking the line about loyalty to Baltimore. He was doing that whole exhibit, that sort of thing. So, I was like, okay, that makes sense to me.

 

Amy Hageman  5:52 

You know, like, yeah. It was interesting, because when I, when I first read about sixes, I was like, All right, like, like, that's interesting, cool, loyal skeptic. And then I realized that one of my very best friends is a six. And I was like, oh, yeah, this Like that loyalty has been so foundational to my ability to get through hard things. Like, she's the person that I know, I can call if something if I need support, you know? Yeah. So, yeah. Okay, so they're loyal. One of the other things that you said, they can be kind of standoffish, like, they're always observing. What are any other markers of a of a six? What are they solving for? Well, or like,

 

Stephanie Foy  6:45 

First of all, the sixes live in the thinking, try it, though the thinking trial five, six, and seven. And they're in the middle of that thinking trial.

 

Amy Hageman  6:59 

So that means I'm  thinking they're just thinking repressed. And

 

Stephanie Foy  7:03 

that will know some of them could be if there's subtype, but they're typically that's their strong suit is where they're going to be, they're going to be thinking with, and then they're going to be acting. Because they're acting in a way to defend protect. Because they're always looking for, like, dents and the other shoe to fall the other, you know, they're, they're very risk aware people. So, they think an act, but that means their feelings tend to be less in the less dominant, but they tend to from a failing perspective, they tend to not have they don't tend to hang on to their positive emotions very long, they are more comfortable and doubt in Chinese beer as their, their driving factor, you know, when beer sticks. And so. But the opposite of that the hostile sticks is that they can use that six, to move into courage. And they'll typically do that when it's in defense of the greater good. And despite their own sometimes personal apprehension. In fact, there's one, type six, the countertop six, that we that embrace the spirit, it's like they get that adrenaline rush of taking the risk. So, they sort of like build a fear and do it anyway for people. But um, so that's, that's something to kind of think about, but that's sort of what's underneath for a lot. World says safe place. And I've got to protect myself and those that care about

 

Amy Hageman  9:03 

like a police officer.

 

Stephanie Foy  9:07 

Yeah. So, lots of lots of people in law enforcement.

 

Amy Hageman  9:14 

I mean, I don't want to go political, but I'm going if I was a six, I think I'd be more prone to fall into conspiracy theory, because that often speaks my language of fear and the world's a dangerous place.

 

Stephanie Foy  9:31 

Um, if you want to go politics, so our current President, Joe Biden is reportedly a sixth hmm. And he came in think about the conditions under which he came in. We had just come through Donald Trump, who reportedly is a type eight, which we'll get to right active controller, large and in charge, my way the highway. And we just come through this huge shift. There was all was unease, you know, whatever upset in the culture and sixes because of how they think and because of that anticipation of problems and, and all that they're seen as stabilizers, they're seen as they bring stability, they can bring calm. So, it's not surprising that Joe Biden would have been a good person to be presented in that type of COVID, in response to what had been a presidency by Donald Trump. So that was, that was an appropriate position for him at the top. Now, what I think is interesting is we can talk about this when we get to wings, what's important for a person to be elected, is that they have to have a vision, so they got to be able to demonstrate their seven. Yeah, we'll talk about that we get two wings. Yeah, yes. So.

 

Amy Hageman  11:03 

Okay. Yeah, it's just, it's, it's interesting for me with, like, the psychology of where our emotions take us, you know? So, what else would like? So, if they're observers, I guess what they're always observing is, what might go wrong? And therefore, how to keep people safe? Or what else are they like looking for? I'm, like, I'm always so solving for who's gonna love me. And how can I make them love me more? Like, that's what I'm looking for. That's not what a six is looking for.

 

Stephanie Foy  11:42 

So, their focus of attention, what can go wrong, and they construct the worst-case scenarios. They're on the lookout for threats, they pay attention to hidden intentions, and dynamics and relationships. So not only are they looking for what problems exist in the world, or you know, in systems or, but also in relationships. So, their constant always testing relationships, because they're waiting to see this is really, can I really count on this? Are you really who you say you are? What are those 10?

 

Amy Hageman  12:22 

And I think at one point in time, I think you had told me that it was thought that sixes there were more sixes than any other number. Am I recalling that correctly?

 

Stephanie Foy  12:34 

I think that's accurate. I don't know, Dana, do you remember?

 

Amy Hageman  12:39 

Okay, I don't. Okay.

 

Stephanie Foy  12:43 

It's hard to make sense given that there for emotion is fear. There's so much in the world.

 

Dana Foy  12:51 

They're not as relatively able to spot them as easily as I do three sevens and nines. And, and ones they, you know, what I mean? They're, they're not as demonstrative on the surface, something, you have to kind of get to know him. So that they feel most vulnerable, when they're not when they're not prepared in a lot of thought and planning going on, if they're ready to meet the day. And they draw upon wisdom experience, and, and so their type of person. So, the way they get what they want, is, by being compliant, they strive to get what they want by focusing on safety, and getting along with the group, they do their best to go along until they feel uncomfortable, and then think something's awry, they will step up. And when things don't go, right, they're reactive, they respond by reacting defensively times overreacting or blending up. You can kind of see that as someone who like they would get under stress at some point, and they would have to have to take some type of action verbal or something to try to fix them. Well,

 

Amy Hageman  14:13 

I think the get along to go along makes sense with their nature to be loyal.

 

Stephanie Foy  14:18 

Right? But they have a unique relationship with authority. Because while they want to be loyal, the skeptic kicks in. And so, they're always looking at, okay, so they may be test they may test people in leadership in a way that's different. Because they, they know their loyalty is on the line. So, they're, they're gonna and it's interesting that two women I'm thinking of from the class that are sixes you could see where that showed up in both their professional lives. Hmm.

 

Amy Hageman  15:02 

Interesting, interesting.

 

Stephanie Foy  15:06 

More about that is that can be kind of conflicted. They want to go on and get along. But until somebody proves they're trustworthy to know what they're doing, it's hard for them to really bond and feel themselves comfortable in the group. So, they feel like everything is safe. So that can be an error, you can be transposed to somebody else, and they feel a little anxious around the six because the, you know, the six may not be totally settled in there. And I know a couple of them that are like that, it takes me a while to warm up to them, because they're still sorting themselves out. And it's just something that they do, I don't think they are aware that they're doing the other thing because of who they are, and what they're scanning for in the world. Is there always going to be bringing up? What are the obstacles? You know, what are the things are gonna get in the way? What are the, you know, what, what are the things that can go wrong. So people that are trying to make change effort, people that are trying to get things done, they might see those people as resistant, and in their more extreme versions as rebellious, you know, and so, you just, you know, but on the other hand, people like me who are threes or a two are gonna likely to go off and just get something done. Sixes can be very valuable, because it can save me from going on with it. You know? Oh, here's the thing you haven't thought it. Might you want to think about that? Yeah.

 

Amy Hageman  16:39 

Well, this whole time we're talking about sixes, I'm, I'm playing with the idea of trustworthiness. And I'm, I'm feeling I might even cry talking about it. I think there's a loved one in my family, my extended family. That's a six. And I think, years ago, between my husband and I, we proved that we were not trustworthy, through a complete innocent accident. No, and I don't think that relationship has ever recovered. And I'm curious how you earn trust with the sixth. Like how many times you have to prove yourself before it's or and I'm no, that's going to be different per person and per type?

 

Dana Foy  17:26 

Well, the six gets to decide that.

 

Amy Hageman  17:30 

And I'm assuming it's trustworthiness, a lot of times based on safety.

 

Stephanie Foy  17:41 

If it's fear, their core fear is this is the threatening world. Yeah. And anything can happen. And the worst is likely going to happen. You know, because they're at their lowest in, I would say they're awful. Doubters you know, they're always the worst thing is gonna always happen. They're always playing the worst-case scenario. So that's that mindset there. And there are biases, doubt. So, overcoming doubt is a huge thing. Yeah. So, I would say, to earn trust from a six, to demonstrate love to a six is to reassure them about their own safety, and your commitment to their own safety to their own well-being.

 

Dana Foy  18:48 

I just say what you're gonna do, and then do it. Can you explain why you tell them? Why? Get a sense that they need an explanation, or you felt like it needed to talk about I'm doing this because then then you do it?

 

Amy Hageman  19:06 

Yeah, I could see that. I mean, because humans are human. We do human things, you know. And so, I could imagine that if I was a six, it would be very easy to you know, I've tested you I've tested you have tested you that third or fourth time. You passed the test the first two or three times, but then you broke the test. And that was enough for me to decide we're done. You know, so I'm like, well, that's problematic because at some point, there's got to be grace for the humans are going to do what the humans do. You know, you could lose a lot of relationships if it only takes one time.

 

Stephanie Foy  19:47 

One of the blind spots of stick is they project their fears and their motives on the other people. And sometimes they don't. I'm there Our stuff, you know what I mean? It's, it makes it difficult. Like, if they don't own their own concern and worry, it's like I can, it's easier for me to put it out there over on you. You know? Yeah. Okay. So, let's talk about on the other side because we kind of kind of said, oh, these are the this is a low in the sick. Yeah. Hi in the six is that loyalty, that courage and the spiritual value of faith on the high five does what is you know, the biblical definition of faith is, you know, trust in the unseen, the unknown. So that's absolute. No counterbalance of a

 

Amy Hageman  21:02 

doubt. A doubt. Yeah. All right. Yeah, I can. I can see that in. sixes. I I'd listened to one. I don't know. No, I didn't even listen to it. My six friend told me that she had listened to a podcast episode was Suzanne's to Beal and a parent had written in talking about the way their child communicates, and their child just chitter chatter chitter chatter about every detail of the day, and the parent was finding it just monotonous. And like, that's what we got to, you know, and Suzanne's, Nabil said that she would guess that that child was a six, and that that's how sixes relate to one another. It's that they tell all the little details of the day. Like it, if you're a two, and you your vulnerability and sharing an emotional connection is the way that you relate. That's not intuitive. For me, you know what I mean? And so, it totally was enlightening to my relationship with that bestie that, like, that's what she wants to talk about is like, what was in stock at the grocery store? And how it made her think of this other, whatever, and how, you know, like, that's not something that it would occur to me to talk about with a friend that doesn't seem important, you know? So, I think it's, it's interesting, and putting it in the context of how observant they are, and what they're solving for, it makes a little bit more sense. Like, the way that they would relate would be those a thoughts and, and observations,

 

Stephanie Foy  22:48 

right? And it's almost like they're processing out my arm, so that they can talk through their own selves in terms of what were the potential problems in the day. Because if I can think about what happened today, I can think about how I need to be prepared to protect myself or somebody else tomorrow. Yeah. Okay.

 

Amy Hageman  23:19 

And interesting. It's fascinating to me the way that all the numbers relate to one another. Yes. In terms of you know, one to one relationships in terms of group dynamics. As a person as a to that thinking, repress all of these thinking numbers are so helpful to me. But until I understand them, I'm totally uncomfortable. I know it's a starting to understand them has been eye opening. Okay, I'm going to take us off track. So let me come back to so let's go to the wings. Okay. If ever we ready to go two weeks.

 

Stephanie Foy  24:01 

Sure. Well, wings, five and seven. As we talked about, which is the quiet specialist, and seven, the enthusiastic visionary.

 

Amy Hageman  24:21 

I could see how five and six would kind of be peas in a pod. Yeah, you know, the quiet specialist isn't necessarily solving for what's gonna go wrong. But they're thinking and solving for something, you know. Very thinking oriented.

 

Stephanie Foy  24:39 

And it seems like standoffish a little bit. Right, so Well, fives are internally processing. sixes are generally externally processed. So even though they may be observant They're gonna process like, out there with people, it's okay, so five then can help the six be more sort of internally focused and self-contained. And if they can get a hold of their sort of objective thinking of the five, sort of five is going deep into stuff and really trying to understand sometimes that can go away with the six, to sort of address some of the what we might think of as unrealistic fears are unfounded fears, because, like, oh, no, that's probably really not going to happen, you know? This let's say a six gets on a plane. And their fear is, oh, my gosh, what if the plane crash? By the way, a five would say, you know, blood one in extra 1000s of planes crash, it's, you know, safer for me to be on this plane than it was to be in the car on the freeway in Houston, Texas. So that you see where I'm going with that. That rational thought can help overcome some of the irrational fears that taste the tap.

 

Amy Hageman  26:13 

Yeah. Now I love a seven, my older brothers a seven and it took me more than three decades to figure out he wasn't perfect. I don't know if that's, I don't know if everybody loves sevens, the way I love sevens or if I'm just biased because my older brother, so I'm curious about the six leaning towards the seven. Well,

 

Stephanie Foy  26:39 

the seven is going seven. They you know, enthusiastic visionaries though they are optimist by nature, as opposed to sixes that can be pessimistic by nature. So that sort of half glass half empty half full, like the in lane them in that direction with the seven also look at access to be a little more playful than lighthearted, not so serious, that can just lighten up and enjoy life in the world and also could open up the having the ability to have more than one perspective of something rather than things are going to all be bad or go shop go wrong. Well, now they don't. And I can look at it from the you know, from a different viewpoint because the sevens are always on the move and they're viewing things quickly changing their minds about things and reframing so they can help six lighten up less anxious, less doubt this thing about feminists’ anxious anxiety and doubt not real part of the seven sculpt at all.

 

Dana Foy  27:49 

You know in sevens trust while they're out there being a visionary and having fun and move about the world, they're trusting things are gonna go well the six the six can pick up on that thanks. Most of the time in this country things go to some degree of well and

 

Amy Hageman  28:05 

that makes sense because the more if you're a six the more you lean in to seven and experience and things do work out the more you could cultivate faith the high side of six Yeah, well that's beautiful. Okay, and I know that the three six and nine they're in their little triad of stretch and release Yeah, I don't know which one is which first six

 

Stephanie Foy  28:32 

so, for is six the release is the nine which is flows they the trust say the slop and stay where they joined together sixes and nines is that they both value teamwork. They both value contributing to a team so that's a place for them to we're six can feel like they can connect to that nine. But you know those nine those adaptive peacemakers will let data forward tell you Well, you know, the nine can help the six just go with the flow. I can get in here and I can relax and go with the flow and let things be I don't necessarily have to be the strong one all the time. I could relax and realize there's other people here I have I don't have to walk in, and you know really, I gotta be looking after everybody. No, I can be a nine everybody's okay. I know these people who've done these things before. Things are going to work out so and I can basic, you have a six just kind of calm down and relax. Rapid Be patient and they see the goodness of people in situations as opposed to being afraid of what might Also, Nines can sort of help sixes, you know, that go the flow, have unstructured time have some things that don't have to always be planned to the nth degree mean, you know, just like, let things evolve in the way, they don't have to help them to begin to work up into, like, they don't have to sort of arm up to go into a situation, they can just show up in the situation. Does that make sense? Because sixes often feel like they have to arm up, they get to get there, you know, their shield of courage, and they're sort of virtue to go into a situation whereas a nine will just shut up, you know? So that's one way to do how into relief.

 

Amy Hageman  30:56 

Yeah. I'm trying to formulate the question that I have, in my mind without jumping too far ahead, and diving too deep into the nine. But we know the, the six is that, like, their default emotion might be fear of some sort. They're balanced, high side emotion, or sorry, fear, doubt, and their high side would be faith. And when they go to seven, they can move into trust and moving forward. So, what's the emotional move when they move towards nine?

 

Dana Foy  31:37 

Oh, golly, I would say calm down and realize that it's not on our shoulders, that people have the capacity to take care of them for themselves. They don't have to carry the weight of everyone's safety and the outcome. Also, you know, nines, many of us like to be involved and things that are fun. And sometimes, you'll find the nine being involved in something you don't expect to be involved in. You know, you don't know if that would be taking ballet lessons or something, I mean, that can guide a sixth into just getting out of their zone of comfort and finding something else that that could be fun for them to do.

 

Amy Hageman  32:22 

Yeah, it's fascinating to me that there's a whole bunch of people whose zone of comfort is fear and looking for the worst to come. Like this just so different from my experience, but I do see that there's a lot of value in that especially in in an organization and yeah. Okay, so that if their release is the nine and their stretch must be the three it is, which intuitively makes sense to me, but break that down?

 

Stephanie Foy  32:50 

Well, of course, I mean, it's called, you know, follow focus, ownership action, you know, it's hard for a six some time to take action, because they're constantly weighing what else is gonna happen, if I do this, what's going to happen if I do that what's going to happen? So sometimes they get into that dark spot and don't take action because they're concerned. So um, their doubts can sort of take over for them whereas threes, you know, we might have a doubt, but we will move on pretty fast because that's hard gets in the way sometimes, we have to keep moving. So um, but again, the stretch is how do I move out of that six, what's going to stretch them into a new another way of being well, being decisive, taking ownership because they tend to not necessarily take ownership because has their think got that loyalty thing going on and they're typically loyal to some other level of authority, not necessarily seeing themselves in as the role of you know, the authority position all things are threes will do threes like they get credit for the contributions and sixes they feel like it's something they should do out of the kindness of their heart or don't necessarily want to feel uncomfortable being recognized for but they can help them realize that they do. They are valuable and they are specialists that can be received, give and receive and get credit for worth it. The one of the opportunities for a six thinking about stretching into three, that old thing about fake it till you make it. Yeah. So, like, having the confidence having the overcoming their doubts or their fears. You know, where it's a three If that's not, they're going to be competent first. And then they might consider a what should I be thinking about your duties? I say, Oh, your threes? No. So the opportunity is to pretend you're confident. And when you're not, and pretend to be afraid when in fact, you might be anxious. Pretend you're unafraid, when you when they might be anxious. But then, over time, that confidence and that confidence will come through. And some of those fears will be put aside, because you know, you really have already done it. Yeah. Oh, I get to you, Mike.

 

Amy Hageman  35:44 

I love that. And gosh, I kind of want to go back to like the vise and the virtue of like, what's the emotional word? That's the high side of three?

 

Stephanie Foy  35:57 

You remember? The emotional word? That's the half? Three? Yeah,

 

Amy Hageman  36:03 

like for twos? The low side is pride. And the high side is humility. With six we did. Would it be the seat? Are you thinking? The low side of three? This is the low side of Yeah. So, what was the high side of authenticity? Right? Yeah. Okay. Right. I like that, if that's sort of the stretch, I mean, I know that, at that stage, stretch the release in the wings, it's not just talking to emotions, but since that's what I'm obsessed about, that's what I'm curious about. You know, with seven, if we so clearly identified that you move towards trust that could help you move into faith, you know, so I think that's interesting that the stretch is three, and its authenticity. Because if your default is loyalty, that's honest, a kind of puts the perspective on other rather than self and on community. And so, if you're authenticity, that's more about self. So that makes sense to me that that would be a stretch. And I could see how, for me personally, faith, if that's, if that's where I need to grow in my emotional experience, Faith is not something I can experience. If I'm not in having an authentic moment with myself, like, it's not even accessible to me, personally. And so, I could see how stretching towards the three would benefit me in my, whether it's your emotional, personal development, towards faith, or whether it's your actual spiritual experience, I could see how that would be beneficial. So anyway, I always I just always have to bring it back to the emotions because I can't help it. But I was thinking as we were talking about sixes in detail, then looking for trouble. One of my favorite sixes is a doctor and is supposedly a very highly respected doctor. And I was thinking about, you know, the, the credence of first do no harm, and how this doctor is like an internal medicine doctor, and the complexities of how do we combine these medicines? And what are the side effects? And how do we do all that? And not create a worse problem? You know, I'm like, Oh, that's perfect for a six. Yeah. You know, so I'm sure doxa doctors are all types of numbers, but I'm like, Oh, that's a beautiful example. Yeah, of how a six, you know, benefits us. So, um, so we talked about, you know, that sixes will don't get along to go along, and conflict. Or no, and not, did we say that in conflict or just in general?

 

Stephanie Foy  39:11 

I would probably say it's in general, I mean, they're, they'll comply, they'll comply, but they're going to comply. I think it's conditional get along to go along. Look, why do you not get along and go along, and they're watching and observing. And at some point, in time, when it's going to work out, they're relaxed, so their intent is to get along and go along and be a good team, but only if they feel like they have been heard about their concerns. Because they're going to be constantly raising their, their, you know, I think of them thickness as having this super antenna for risk, you know, for their hyper vigilant, and if people don't pay attention to them and here are their concerns, they're not going to go along, that's when they're gonna get that from this date I was talking about earlier. Yeah. So, and that can overwhelm a team because there's so there's so many things are concerned about. I was sitting in on a coaching session and learning someone, coaches six, and the six was describing a situation at work where he was part of a team. And having a hard time getting along and going along and what the coach picked up, this is where you're going, you got a machine gun of fears and concerns, and you're shooting, like you got an AR 15 Or a shotgun, he says, go on air with one bullet at a time that a process one bullet, and then that will see your value, pick your bullet. And maybe this is kind of harsh to say that, but this is how the coaching went. And it was good advice to this young man, once he somehow another dial back the volume or the number of concerns he was able to do along with things better, and I appreciate, yeah, I just couldn't keep up with all that he was laying in laying on the street. And a lot of what he had to concede that a lot of what he was concerned about wasn't going to happen, or very unlikely to happen. But he was still concerned about it. And it was relevant. I mean, he's a part of a team and they need to know so

 

Amy Hageman  41:31 

I mean, I think you know, obviously the violence of that example is kind of harsh, but I also think it's not inappropriate, depending on your number that is how you receive if there's just this delusion, but what about this? What about that? What about this, and this is going to happen? You know, you can feel attacked by it, even though it has nothing to do with you personally. You know? Yeah, like, I just can't solve it all at once. One at a time. Yeah. And then if you're, you know, some, some numbers are gonna take things, personally. And so, to throw that at them, if all you're throwing is the concerns, you know, and you're not talking about, well, what's going right, that's hard.

 

Stephanie Foy  42:23 

Alright. So, yeah, you're the type three and all you hear is the sixth, you know, throwing out the concerns. It's like, well, just tell me what's your solution? What's your proposed solution? You know, give me something here. You know, what are you gonna do about it? Don't just bring me that you know?

 

Amy Hageman  42:41 

Yes, sir. I think if I was a seven, I might just blow him off whatever dude, I'm moving on to the next thing so it but there are the folk the counter the counter type six is an interesting so I'm gonna explain whether it's a flight or fight moment of thought in the brain. And the two main types of six they are kind of in the flight they're looking to figure out what's going to go wrong and do things to protect us. So, the counter type is the opposite of that. They will go to the danger they're going to be big and large you know and take that on, and I don't I don't have met one like that. Yeah, I can't identify a person now who's liked it but they are out there are not going to run away they're going to run toward it they're going to be aware of it they're gonna sense it they're gonna feel it and they're gonna attack Yeah, I think I'm thinking of I've identified quite a few sixes in my life in the last few years since I learned about the Enneagram and I agree with all the ones I know are the flight personality but yeah that's fascinating. So, let's get to I mean, I keep going back to relationships but what is it that sixes need from their relationships like we talked, you know, with five we said Give them time and was six I guess they need to process out loud.

 

Stephanie Foy  44:39 

Well, yeah, there they go.

 

Amy Hageman  44:49 

I guess the question I have in that is like, does it is it even How helpful is it to even try to assure them that they're already safe? Like

 

Stephanie Foy  44:59 

well, you can Tell them that that's not Yeah, work for them. That's okay. Yeah.

 

Stephanie Foy  45:06 

So, I think you hear him out. And then you have a conversation about probabilities. And then you have the conversation that you're in there with them, and you can help them and you're going along, but you just can't fix everything all at once have some type of priority. And then love them by guiding them to their lines in their wings. And taking them to that place. without calling what it is, give them a space where they do something where they're where they can have fun and enjoy. You know, someone likes to ride bicycling or getting involved in cycling. If there's, there's things that distract them from they're gonna take it with them a little bit, but if they feel safe, no major one will take their mind off of it, just help them break that the pattern of it somehow to step out, it may have anything to add about what a six would need from relationship think it's that, um that's just being less supportive art. And in some ways, even though it's their sort of moniker, loyal skeptic, they're also looking for people to be loyal to them, though, demonstrating loyalty is big press six. I think I think hearing sometimes, because we, some of us want to redirect people away from their fears and concerns. But sometimes we have to be willing to hear them and acknowledge them and not just go, you know, are you crazy, are you not, that's not gonna happen. But not, not necessarily validating their validating that the fear is real, but validating there, their perspective, to have the fear and then and then as that says, bringing them to their wings or their lungs to support them to move through that.

 

I'm trying to think what else? Not just well, because I wanted to go back. This is the SX type, just the fight type. Okay, subtype is SX type,

 

Amy Hageman  47:42 

and its self-preservation or no, sorry, SX is the one to one.

 

Stephanie Foy  47:45 

The one that one's okay. Interesting. Yeah.

 

Amy Hageman  47:54 

I Yeah. So,

 

Stephanie Foy  47:56 

there Byword is intimidation. There are intimidate. You know, they're gonna be big over the fear. Whereas SP type is warm. So, type is duty.

 

Amy Hageman  48:12 

Uh huh. Uh huh. I'm like, categorizing all my friends and family now like, oh, yeah, there they are. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I have to say, I will in the you said it was so as warm. As PST

 

Stephanie Foy  48:31 

is more. SP is warm, they're gonna be warm and friendly. At S Oh, think about culture, society, group duty, or they have a duty to protect. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, I don't know, the subtype. But I mean, that's think about projecting, I would probably say Joe Biden is so six. Right?

 

Amy Hageman  49:00 

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. I mean, I've I, I said this at the beginning of the episode that one of my best friend's longest friends is a six. And it surprised me because when I read about the six, I didn't understand necessarily understand the archetype until I connected it to her and then it was, you know, and for her, the way that she shows love is, you know, it's acts of service, and it’s very much loyalty. And, you know, if you if I gotta call her in the middle of the night and tell her I need help, she's going to pick up the phone and she's going to drive to where I'm at. She's going to help me, you know? And that's that kind of, I guess, combination of protection and loyalty. I'm curious, what are the other ways that sixes would show love? I would put her in the warmth category.

 

Stephanie Foy  50:00 

Well think about people that are duty, you know, that are, like, concern for doing the right thing for doing their duty to, you know, to whoever is the group. So, whether it's acts of service, as you're talking about, how am I going to, you know, what's my, what's my job here? What do I need to do here? How do I need to put things in place to protect? People? They offered the gift of this out of the way, no, but after the gift of devotion, yeah, think about that. That's a beautiful, six devotion in that a sweet way to think about a person.

 

Amy Hageman  50:58 

Yeah. Yeah, this is beautiful. imagery. And yeah, that makes so much sense. The thing that comes to mind, for me with sixes, which it's true for all numbers, or types, but the I have this, like, kind of flashpoint or download of a bunch of different examples of perspective. So, when I was taking Driver's Ed, many moons ago, they said, every three seconds, you want to check your rearview mirror, you're driving, driving, driving, check, review, driving to check your rear view. And then I was thinking about eye health, and how I doctors have said, if you're sitting in a screen all day, every 20 minutes, you got to get up for 10. And you got to change your focus. And ideally, every 20 seconds, you're looking away for a little bit, and then you come back. And so, I was thinking about that, how healthy that shift in perspective is for us as humans, and it, it just seems, the idea of the six and being so fear based and looking for what's wrong, I just have this like sense of empathy of like it, could you just give yourself a little break. Just look at the rearview for every three seconds, just take a little break and come back. You know. I don't know, I just, I feel such a sense of empathy for the idea that it would be easy to get stuck in that spiral. What's gonna go wrong? What's gonna go wrong? You know, and I mean, yeah. So, yeah.

 

Stephanie Foy  52:35 

And, you know, one of the things for a stick, and you know, in the, in the realm of other skill sets, is to do a gratitude journal, because it helps them focus on positive emotions, the positive, what things worked, you know, the things. So that's a sort of account and a way for success to grow. You know? Not that's good for everybody, but because they tend to not dwell on their positive emotions. They tend to, like, oh, yeah, well, that was just that one time, but tomorrow is going to be worse. That was one time. So having that habit can help them begin to see a different pattern.

 

Amy Hageman  53:27 

Yeah. Yeah, that's lovely. That makes so much sense. Any other like tips or guidance for sixes before we wrap up, or anything else you want to add?

 

Stephanie Foy  53:42 

No, that I have anything. I mean, in some ways, when you hear the words of devotion, Courage prepared, trustworthy. Sounds like a boy scout.

 

Amy Hageman  53:54 

That's gonna say the same thing that says like a boy scout. Yeah. Good. Boy Scouts.

 

Dana Foy  53:59 

You know, they're all They're all those things. There, you know, take a stand for the greater good.

 

Stephanie Foy  54:08 

They show courage. They you know, live up to their commitment. They're devoted to the people they care about. Oh, pretty, pretty great. So, yeah,

 

Amy Hageman  54:22 

it is it is.

 

Stephanie Foy  54:25 

I think we have to tap compassion for the sixes for that internal drive that they have.

 

Amy Hageman  54:34 

That's a lot of pressure of carry around.

 

Stephanie Foy  54:39 

Yeah.  They feel to feel that and not experience people taking it seriously. You're doing what they think should be done to mitigate the risk.

 

Amy Hageman  54:47 

Yeah, I mean, and I was feeling earlier in the episode I was talking about my family, extended family member and how I sort of feel like I don't get a shot to repair that really. Shouldn't ship, like they've just decided we're not trustworthy? And that's all I got; you know. And so, at first, I was sitting just in the heart of that. And then I was shifted to oh my gosh but look what all is on their plate and look what all they're worried about. And of course, they're not going to, you know, make time for us. You know, it's just, it puts a different perspective on it. Right? So,

 

Stephanie Foy  55:24 

that's whatever they got on their plate. Think about this, you know, whatever I'm saying this is whatever this is, the whatever this incident is, yeah. A Thing, a relationship, an illness or whatever. Another number might be worried about two or three things about that thing. Right. But a six, they got 678 things, they're worried about that thing. Yeah. And then that, like, I think they're just carrying a much bigger load, you know, from the, from that perspective than most others? Yeah. Now doesn't mean that, you know, other people don't have concerns, just from we think about having compassion and love for the sick.

 

Amy Hageman  56:18 

Or their, yeah, understanding that way that they carry in such a beautiful desire to protect rather than its community or individual loved ones, you know, that's, that's a beautiful, you know, it was just one we're recording this it was just recently Father's Day. And so, our senior minister Michael got was talking about the, you know, kind of the divine masculine to protect and provide. And so, what a, you know, what a beautiful example that the sixes are leaning into that is a divine desire and skill to protect. And it's, it's sad that that what that requires is to consider what might go wrong. So yeah. Anything else before we wrap up?

 

Dana Foy  57:14 

I don’t think so.

 

Amy Hageman  57:17 

All right, I think we're good.

 

Dana Foy  57:19 

Ah, well, sixes try to lean into your seven a little bit today or your three. If you need some help with three email Stephanie Foy.

 

Amy Hageman  57:34 

And I'm also curious, you know, if you're a six and you feel like we, we missed something important or like, you want to add something, I would love to love to hear from you. You're one of the numbers I don't intuitively connect with the easiest. So, thanks for being here. And we honor your desire to protect and to be devoted and we wish you success and luck on your path to faith and trusting. And we'll see you next week loves bye. Thank you for listening to the living out love podcast. This episode was helpful for you. There are three ways that you can share the love. can send this episode to family friend, neighbor. Leave me a rating and review on your favorite podcast platform, or comment and ask questions on YouTube. This season is meant to be interactive. Thanks again for your presence. I appreciate you being here. Talk to you next week loves